how to get alone with your roommate

Talk. Don't be afraid to speak your mind. If something's bugging you, bring it up in a non-defensive way. Don't assume that your roommate can read your mind. Nothing can change unless you acknowledge it. It's possible that your roommate may not even be aware of the problem.

Focus on behavior, not personality. It's not reasonable to ask people to change who they are, but you can ask them to tone down how they express themselves, especially when it's invading your turf. So, you can't criticize someone for being "perky," but you can ask someone not to talk so much while you're studying.

Stay flexible. It's not your job to fix anybody else, and it helps to recognize that no one is perfect. Be willing to look at your own behavior. Consider what you could do differently to help the situation instead of only blaming your roommate.

Start with one pet peeve. What can you absolutely not deal with? What do you find extremely irritating, but could live with if you had to? There are probably tons of things your roommate does that get on your nerves. However, nothing kills a relationship faster than listing dozens of reasons why you don't like a person. Instead, both of you need to list your number one pet peeve and focus your energy on solving that first.

Consider the positives. Before you decide that life would be better with a roommate exactly like you, think of what you could gain by living with your opposite. We're often attracted to people who are different from us because they represent qualities we wish we possessed. If you're shy, maybe being around a more outgoing person will force you out of your shell. When one person's strength makes up for the other's weakness, being opposites is an advantage.

Know the residence hall policies. Make sure to understand the residence hall policies regarding roommate conflicts and changes. Some colleges will require you to go through the steps of mediation before requesting a roommate change, and others have trained students who will help you through the process.

Accept them for who they are. If you are total opposites, it may be difficult to understand where they are coming from in many situations. If you accept things about their personality, interests, taste, etc. you are much less likely to come into conflict.